Do sleep consultants use cry it out?
Some do, many do not. Approaches run from full extinction (cry it out) to graduated checks, staying in the room, and bedtime fading. Research supports several of these, not only cry it out. Ask any consultant to describe night one in plain words, including how much crying to expect and what you will do. Actually Sleeping does not use cry it out.
The main approaches
| Approach | In one line | Crying |
|---|---|---|
| Extinction (“cry it out”) | Baby down awake; parent does not return until morning or a planned feed | Most intense |
| Graduated extinction (timed checks) | Brief parent checks at lengthening intervals | Still some crying; less intense for many parents |
| Parent in the room (chair or camping out) | Parent stays near the crib and withdraws gradually | Usually some protest; lasts longer overall |
| Bedtime fading | Bedtime matched to real sleepiness, then brought earlier | Often less; slower |
| Pick up, put down | Lift until calm, return to the crib, repeat | Varies; can overstimulate some babies |
More on each: cry it out, timed checks, the chair method, bedtime fading, gentle methods compared.
What the research says
A review of 52 studies for the American Academy of Sleep Medicine found the strongest support for unmodified extinction and preventive parent education, with further support for graduated extinction and bedtime fading with positive routines. A randomized trial of 43 infants aged 6 to 16 months compared graduated extinction and bedtime fading with a sleep-education control. Both methods improved how quickly babies fell asleep. Infant cortisol and maternal stress showed small-to-moderate declines in the method groups, and at 12 months there were no differences in emotional or behavioral problems or in parent-child attachment.
So the evidence does not require cry it out. Approaches with less crying also work. What they need is a good fit with the baby and consistency.
That is the Actually Sleeping approach: not cry it out, and not wait it out either. Dr. Sam writes a plan around your baby and your limits, and you are coached bootcamp-style before night one, so you go in knowing exactly what to do instead of standing at the door with a timer.
Why “no crying at all” is rarely realistic
When you change how your baby falls asleep, your baby notices and protests. That protest is communication, and it usually fades as the new pattern becomes familiar. A consultant who promises zero tears is either describing a baby who was nearly ready anyway or setting you up to feel you failed. A better promise is a clear plan for how you will respond, and coaching thorough enough that you carry it out with confidence.
What to ask any consultant
- “Describe night one for my baby. Where am I, and what do I do when my baby cries?”
- “How will you prepare me before night one, and how often will you check in after it?”
- “Can you adjust the approach if it is too much for us?”
- “What is different for a younger baby versus a toddler?”
Why fit matters more than the method name
The best approach is one that suits your baby’s temperament and that you will carry out the same way every night. Some babies settle better with a parent nearby; others are wound up by it. Some parents cannot listen to crying from outside the door; others find in-between approaches confusing. A consultant should work this out before writing the plan, not after night one. Families who wanted an alternative to cry it out describe their experience on our video reviews page.
How Actually Sleeping handles this: The plan is not cry it out and not wait it out. Dr. Sam writes it around your baby and your limits, you get bootcamp-style coaching before night one, and daily 1:1 check-ins let the plan be adjusted as your baby responds. The result is guaranteed in writing: “We guarantee that your baby will sleep 8–12 hours through the night within 14 days of consistent, correct implementation of your sleep plan.” Full refund if not. Book a free consultation to hear what night one would look like for your baby.
Want this fixed for your baby?
Actually Sleeping is 1:1 coaching: a sleep plan written for your baby by Dr. Sam, bootcamp-style coaching before the first night, and daily check-ins until it is working. 700+ families coached, 129 video reviews, and a written guarantee: 8–12 hours through the night within 14 days, or a full refund.
Frequently asked
Is cry it out harmful?
A randomized trial of graduated extinction and bedtime fading found no differences in emotional or behavioral problems or attachment at 12 months. Many families still prefer approaches with less crying, which also work. Actually Sleeping does not use cry it out.
Can sleep training work without any crying?
Some babies make the change with very little crying. Most protest at least a little because something familiar changed. Plan for some protest and decide in advance how you will respond, ideally with someone available on the first night.
Which sleep training method has the least crying?
Approaches with a parent in the room and bedtime fading tend to involve less intense crying but take longer. A plan matched to your baby’s schedule and temperament reduces protest further, whatever the approach.
Do gentle methods take longer?
Usually, yes, when they are used as generic scripts. With Actually Sleeping the timeline is in writing: 8–12 hours through the night within 14 days of consistent, correct implementation of your sleep plan, or a full refund.